After rather enjoying writing Ten trends I’m too mumsy to opt in to I’d thought I’d share the things that I do now, that I totally wouldn’t have found acceptable before I was a parent.

1. Talking to yourself

Because let’s face it, who else do you get any sense out of? There’s only so much Peppa Pig and nursery rhymes you can take before your brain turns to mush, adult conversation is few and far between so sometimes it’s acceptable even if that adult is yourself. “Where’s that dummy gone” has to be my most frequently used phrase. Seriously though, where do they go? I’m sure the little feckers sprout legs and walk off! 

2. Leaving the house in less than pristine clothes

No outfit is complete without baby sick! Wee? No biggy. Baby food? Meh. That’s just how things are now.

3. Arguing with your partner through the baby

Because “oh look daddy’s left his towel on the floor again! Daddy thinks mummy is the cleaning fairy” and “no, daddy thinks mummy is the nagging fairy”. Joy.

4. Singing “Incy Wincy Spider” around the supermarket

And not giving a flying that people are staring.

5. Going to bed before 9pm

Seriously miss all of the good tv but, sleep.

6. Spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes. Kids clothes that is

The child is dressed head to toe in designer gear and I’m rocking primark and maternity clothes. 

7. Talking shit all the live long day

Frequency, consistency, texture, colour. Anytime, any place. Your world is now consumed by shit. Discussing it over dinner doesn’t make you bat an eyelid.

8. Being late for just about everything 

“Sorry she was playing up just as we were about to leave” is a personal favourite.

9. The back door boogie

If you’re fortunate and stupid enough to go on a night out with your mates, then the back door boogie is a must. Those sleepless nights and beer fear will get to you. But nobody judges are parent for “knocking off early”. Why would you waste precious hours in a bar when you could be in bed. And the baby will be back at 10am and he last thing you need is an agonisingly long Sunday hungover with a baby to entertain. Sneak off. Own the back door boogie!

10. Cleaning with baby wipes

Because when people ring you and say can they just “drop in” what else is there to do but have a quick wipe round with a baby wipe. There’s not much that can’t be solved with a baby wipe!

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