Last week I went into work for my first keep in touch day. My grandparents looked after Eva at my house and I went straight into a project planning meeting for a huge programme of projects that I will be managing.

Honestly? It was like I’d never been away and it felt great to be contributing and getting involved and being useful.

The truth is, I was dreading it. The early get up, the separation anxiety, would I be able to contribute anything useful? But, like with most things, I dived straight in! I’m very lucky that I love my job and I shocked myself when I didn’t want to rush back after having Eva. But nothing prepared me for the overwhelming love I would have for my baby girl.

However, I really enjoyed myself last week! Getting stuck in with my team and working on stuff I’m really passionate about. I felt like me again. And I’ve missed that productive, ambitious side of myself! 

I would definitely say I’m torn now and racked with the mum guilt that my naive pregnant self swore I would never inflict on myself.

I’ve been asked to book in ten keep in touch days between now and August and as much as I do want to get involved, I don’t want to give up any of my precious time with my beautiful baby girl.

So many people ask me if I would give up work if I could? And now, I’m honestly not sure.

Dilemma. I think so.

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